*** Banana Song ***

It's big and heavy but me carry the banana

All the way to the sister's house

She like to bite it but she like a piranha

I want some left when I have to go home

chorus:

Day-o, day-o

Morning come and me have to go home

Day-o, day-o

This woman, she won't leave me alone

1 inch, 2 inch, 3 inch, 4

She like banana and me give her more

5 inch, 6 inch, 7 inch, 8!

I want to rest but she just won't wait

(chorus)

She cry for more banana but the banana's gone

She wake it up and she jump right on

I give her more banana 'till she shout and scream

What good banana if you have no cream!

(chorus)

The morning come and me take home the banana

The Mrs. says "Did you work all night?"

I say "yes" but she know I managed lying

She see the mark where the sister bite!

chorus:

Day-o, day-o

The woman see it now she willn't let me go

Day-o, day-o

This naughty woman she willn't leave me alone

*** Bedtime Stories ***

I was kneeling by the bed and praying
She said, "come love and get undressed"
I sad I'm praying for guidance
She said, "Pray for stripping, I'll do the rest"

So I told her a bedtime story
About the first time I got laid:
As I ran down the stairs, she cried after me:
"You bleeder, you ain't paid!"

As a young man I couldn't get many girls
Because of the size of my wood
I had to keep my shirt on
And give them as much as I could!

So I told her a bedtime story
Of my non-religious rod
And how I was an unbeliever
She said, "you don't believe in . . . ohh god!

So I'll tell you a bedtime story
One night I was asleep
And the girl said, "get up quickly,
I can hear the stairs creek"
She said "get out, it's my husband
And I was half way out the door
When I realised it couldn't be
I was married, to her, before

*** Big Five ***

There was an old sailor, who sat on a rock,
Waving and shaking his big hairy...

Fist at the ladies next door in The Ritz,
Who taught all the children to play with their...

Ice-creams and marbles and all things galore,
Along comes a lady who looks like a...

Decent young woman, who walks like a duck,
She said she’s invented a new way to...

Bring up the children, to sew and to knit,
The boys in the stable are shovelling...

Litter and paper, from yesterday’s hunt,
And old dirty Dread is having some...

Cake in the parlour, and singing this song,
If you think it’s dirty, you’re bloody well wrong!

(Instrumental)

Susan was a nice girl, with plenty of class,
Who turned the boys’ heads when she wiggled her...

Eyes at the young boys, as girls sometimes do,
To make it quite plain she was ready to...

Go for a walk, or a stroll in the grass,
Then hurry back home for a nice piece of...

Chicken and ice-cream, and lots of roast duck,
And after this meal, she was ready to...

Go for a walk, or a stroll on the dock,
With any young boy with a sizeable...

Roll of big bills, and a pretty good front,
And if he talked softly, she’d show him her...

Little pet dog, who is subject to fits,
And maybe let him grab a hold of her...

Little white hand, with a moment so quick,
That she would lean over and tickle his...

Chin, while she showed what she once learned in France,
And ask the poor chap to take up his under...

Pants, while she sang of the wild Kneesdon shore,
Oh, whatever she was,

(Spoken)
She wasn’t a bad girl really, this Susan. I’ve had better, but mind you, she wasn’t THAT bad.

*** Big Six ***

Alright, get ready, here we go...

Little Boy Blue, come blow up your horn,
The sheep's in the meadow and the cows in the corn
Ai yai ya...

Where is the boy who looks after the sheep?
He's under the haystack with Little Bo Peep
Ai yai ya...

Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, right on,
Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huuuh, right, name of the game...

Little Miss Muffet, sat on her tuffet, her knickers all tattered and torn,
It wasn't a spider who sat down beside her -
Was Little Boy Blue with the horn

Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, right on, here we go...

Ikki takka tikki takka dikki takka tai ya, whop ai ya, pussy catcha fire
Yeah, a Little Boy Blue.
Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, yeah

Black pussy, white pussy, pink pussy, blue,
The name of the game is a Little Boy Blue, ai...

Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, right on, here we go...

Rasta for I, Rasta for me, a Little Boy Blue in a ganja tree,
Smokin' the weed...

Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, yeah,

Boy Blue stood on a burning deck, playing a game of cricket,
The ball rolled up his trouser leg, and he stumped his middle wicket

Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, right on, here we go...

Ikki takka tikki takka dikki takka tai ya, whop ai ya, pussy catcha fire
Yeah, a Little Boy Blue.
Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, yeah.

Black pussy, white pussy, pink pussy, blue,
The name of the game is a Little Boy Blue, bye...

*** Donkey Dick ***

Well, down at the seaside, out upon the sand,
Is a man who lives a life, which really is quite grand.
He doesn’t make much money; in fact he is quite poor,
He’s Donkey Dick, the donkey man, of the seashore.

All the girls in their bikinis, when they’re getting a nice tan,
Always keep a look out, for their favourite donkey man.
And when they see him coming, they all run up to him quick,
Shouting: “Let’s have a ride, on your donkey, dick!”.

Oh donkey, donkey, donkey, donkey, Donkey Dick,
If you ask him nicely, he will give you a quick lick.
Donkey, donkey, donkey, donkey, donkey dick,
All the girls like to have a ride on Donkey Dick.

When the winter comes around, he moves into the town,
Where his fame has spread, for miles and miles around.
And he shows the city girls his funny little trick,
That he does, with his donkey, donkey dick.

Well now that summer’s come around, and weather’s getting warm,
I’ve been out and brought a little donkey of my own.
It’s four feet high, and really, really, slick,
And twice as fat, as your donkey, donkey dick.

*** Dread Rock ***

[Judge Dread]: "Coo, what a nice day. I think I'll have a lay down in the sand, terrific! Might as well get me rock out. Don't leave it in the sun to long though, it'll get all sticky. Here, is that a band I hear playing? Oh, the're playing my tune!"

When I go down the seaside
I'm feeling rather rude
The girls in their bikinis
Are showing all their boobs
And when they see my stick of rock
They all shout out with glee
If all you give it all away
Please save a lick for me

Chorus:
Oh ho ho ho oh what a big one
I've never seen one as big as that before
Oh ho ho ho oh what a big one
It must be fourteen inches long or more!

I took a stroll along the beach
My rock was in my hand
I saw a girl buried
Up to her neck in sand
She said some boys did this to me *
So please help get me out
Before I could assist her
My rock shot in her mouth

And she cried-
Chorus

I'm always in the discos
As soon as the sun goes down
I chat up all the nice galls
With bodies nice and brown
I take them back to me chalet
And they always get a shock
When I turn the lights on
And they see the size of me rock

They all cry-
Chorus

When me holidays are over
Me rock goes home with me
Athough it's not as big as it was
It's big enough for me
If you want to know who my girlfriend is
Take a look around the place
She's the one in the corner
With a smile upon her face

And she loves that it's a big one
She's never seen one as big as that before
And she loves that it's a big one
It must be fourteen inches long or more!

[Judge Dread]: "Well darling, I bet you've never seen one as big as this have you?"
[Girlfriend]: "Oh yes I have. The milkman's got one, and he showed it to me while you were on holiday"
[Judge Dread]: "Coo, that must be what they mean by 'are you getting enough'. I'll tell you what, you're not getting any more of mine!"
[Girlfriend]: "Oh come on"

Chorus

Seems like there are two versions of this song. The other version differs in the marked verse:
* She sent some boys to me
   To please help get me out

*** Dr. Kitch ***

I am not a qualified physician
And I do not want to give this injection
(x2)

Dorothy's begging for trouble
She is insisting I give her this needle
Darling one thing I want you to know
Don't blame me for where the needle goes

Chorus:
I push it in
She pulls it out
I push it back
She starts to shout
'Dr. Kitch,
You are terrable,
I can't s]Kp`]o@Of you needlU¤`
She lie down in such a position
It was difficult to give this injection
She starts holding on to the needle
Making me so uncomfortable
I said 'darling, can't you be steady,
I'm going to have it in very shortly'
She said 'Dr. Kitch I am sorry,
But the sight of the needle frightens me'

Chorus

She still wouldn't lie down quietly
Constantly moving her body
So I slap her in the face with vexation
And go on giving the injection
She screams 'Docter stop it, I can't stand the pain,
I don't think your inside the right vain'
I said 'You little fool you wouldn't be told,
The needle must be sticking in the wrong hole!'

Chorus

I pull it from the hole and start again
I have the needle now in the right vain
The needle's just in half an inch
The stupid young lady start to flinch
Suddenly she calls 'Doc it's working!
I can feel the pennacilin going in'
I said 'You silly fool, look what you do
The needle's gonna brake inside of you!'

Chorus

I am a qualified physician
AndI will give this injection
(x2)

*** Guilty ***

(Judge Dread is talking to a woman, we only hear him speak)

Judge Dread:
"Hello baby, pull up a chair, and make yourself comfortable. Cor, you're putting on weight, ain't ya?. Tell me something. How long have we known each other? Hmm, about 9 months?, oh yeah? Say, what's that you've got on your finger? An engagement ring?! You say that you and Johnny are engaged?! Hph. He must be a right wally! Listen, I've got something to say. This finger's bigger than the both of us, and I'm not joking!"

"Let me take you back to my childhood days for a while. We were poor. Me Mum had 18 kids. But the child allowance kept us. Apart from that, Dad's job as a Coronation program seller really helped out."

Singers:
Guilty, guilty of loving you.

Judge Dread:
"I didn't commit any crimes. I've had to wait 'til manhood to commit this one. . . That's if it's mine. . . I mean, well, you know, if I did. . . well, not me, ha, no way!"

Singers:
Guilty, guilty of loving you.

Judge Dread:
"You know, they say this love business is like a mortgage: a small deposit, and you're paying for the rest of your life."

Singers:
Guilty, guilty of loving you.

Judge Dread:
"Well darling, I must be off. And I wish you and Johnny all the best for the future, really, I mean that.
What's that you say love?
You'll see me in court?
Here, look here.
I'm not guilty.
I beg your pardon?"

Singers:
Said I'm guilty, guilty of loving you.

Judge Dread:
"Oh no, I'm not!"

Judge Dread:
"You really think so? I think you've got to prove it then."

Singers:
Said I'm guilty, guilty of loving you.

Judge Dread
"Yes, I'm not guilty."

Judge Dread:
"You go and blame it on some other Disc Jockey, don't blame it on me."

Singers:
Guilty, guilty of loving you.

Judge Dread:
"There I am, minding me own business, on me way
to Sunday school, and you stop me, and you accuse
me of things like that.

Singers:
Guilty, guilty of loving you.

Judge Dread:
"A clean-living man like myself."

Judge Dread:
"Well I suggest you look elsewhere, you've probably
been overeating anyway."

*** Hello Baby ***

(Ska noises intro)

Last Friday night; you went with a friend,
Stood at the back until the end.
The music played, I lost my chance,
You didn’t know I couldn’t dance.

Hello, Baby, I think about you every day.
Hello, Baby, I dream about you every way.

On Monday next, I saw you again,
We shared a seat on the end of the train.
I couldn’t talk; I hadn’t the knack,
I found a card, and I wrote on the back:

Hello, Baby, I think about you every day.
Hello, Baby, I dream about you every way.

(Instrumental)

Hello, Baby, I think about you every day.
Hello, Baby, I dream about you every way.

I rang you up, holding my breath,
Spoke to your mum, I was frightened to death.
She said hello, and asked me to tea,
I nearly died when she whispered to me:

Hello, Baby, I think about you every day.
Hello, Baby, I dream about you every way.

Hello, Baby, I think about you every day.
Hello, Baby, I dream about you every way.

Hello, Baby, I think about you every day.
Hello, Baby, I dream about you every way.

*** Je T'aime ***

[Woman]: "Hello, what's your name?"
[Judge Dread]: "Dread"
[W]: "Not Judge Dread?"
[J.D.]: "Yes, that's right"
[W]: "Oh, I've always wanted to meet you"
[J.D.]: "Oh really, why?"
[W]: "Oh, I'm a really big fan of yours"
[J.D.]: "That's very nice of you to say that"
[W]: "Is It true?"
[J.D.]: "Is what true?"
[W]: "What they say about big nine"
[J.D.]: "Well, I think you'd better have a look for yourself"
[zipping noise]
[W]: "Oh, it's true, it's true! Come on Dread, get 'em off"
[J.D.]: "No, what do you take me for!"
[W]: "Come on, don't be shy"
[sighing]
[W]: "Now doesn't that feel better?"
[J.D.]: "Oh yes, those bloody boots were killing me!"
[W]: "Here, look at this"
[J.D.]: "Oh my god, I don't believe it!"
[W]: "Oh come on, touch it"
[J.D.]: "You must be bloody jokin', you're not even a proper woman! You're a geezer dressed up! Youre one of those Trans... What do they call 'em... Transvestites!"
[W, in a deep voice]: "Oh come on dear, this is 1975"
[J.D.]: "Oh I don't know, every time I come out, every bloody time, it always ends up in sillys!"
[W, in a deep voice]: "Come home and give me love please"
[J.D.]: "I'll tell you what, I'll give you bloody love! I'll give you the rough end of a pinapple! Go on, fuck off!"
[W, sobbing in a high voice]: "Nasty man you"
[J.D.]: "Away!"
[W]: "What?"
[J.D.]: "Take your soddy handbag with you!"
[W]: "And I'm not going to buy anymore of your records! Fuck off!"

*** Molly ***

Molly is a big girl now
Molly is a big girl now
She just plays it cool
She doesn't go to school no more
No more school days
She don't need no candy now
No more little baby ways, because
Molly is a big girl now

(chorus)
You should see her swing
(You should see her swing)
When she does her own thing
She's not the fussy girl
(Fussy, fussy girl)
She's just the plain and simple girl
She don't play with the little boy
That is not her speed right now
She don't play with no more toys, because
Molly is a big girl now

(Molly is a big girl now, Molly is a big girl now
She doesn't play with toys, she doesn't play with little boys)

No more school days,
she don't need no candy now
No more little baby ways, because
Molly is a big girl now

(chorus)

She's a big girl now (3x)

*** Reggae & Ska ***

Come on, everybody, join our song,
We’re playing ska, come on and sing along.
Grab a Rude Girl, shuffle down,
Ska is the sound that’s going down.

Sing Reggae, and Ska,
Sing Reggae, and Ska,
Sing Reggae, and Ska,
When the rhythm drums, it’ll take you far...

I danced to that the beat that’s really hot,
Show the Rude Girl what you got.
We’re gonna shuffle the night away,
To the rhythm and ska, Jamaica way!

Sing Reggae, and Ska,
Sing Reggae, and Ska,
Sing Reggae, and Ska,
When the rhythm drums, it’ll take you far...

Sing Reggae, and Ska,
Sing Reggae, and Ska,
Sing Reggae, and Ska,
When the rhythm drums, it’ll take you far...

From the early morning, ‘til late at night,
You can shuffle to the rhythm, really tight.
You can’t get away from the shuffle beat,
Come on, everybody, and move your feet.

Sing Reggae, and Ska,
Sing Reggae, and Ska,
Sing Reggae, and Ska,
When the rhythm drums, it’ll take you far

Sing Reggae, and Ska,
Sing Reggae, and Ska,
Sing Reggae, and Ska,
When the rhythm drums, it’ll take you far

*** Rudeness Train ***

All aboard, rudeness train

Tell your sister to come down quick

And she can have a suck of my dick

On the rudeness train

I gave her one in the corridor

And after that she wanted more

On the rudeness train

Move off sister if you could

For you are standing on my wood

On the rudeness train

Show your ticket at [???]

And I look up and tell it [?}

On the rudeness train

I had a girl the other night

She wasn't loose but she wasn't tight

On the rudeness train

Whether you're small or whether you're large

Whether you're soft or whether you're hard

It's a rudeness train

Mary had a little pig, she also had a bear

I've never seen her little pig but I've often had her bear

On the rudeness train

A by loose dibber and nibber and dock

Waving and shaking his big hairy

On the rudeness train

Slow down,

Slow down brother...

You're going too fast...

*** Take Off Your Clothes ***

Take off your clothes,
Let me see what it is that your hiding
And don't look so shocked
You have nothing to fear from my eyes

Chorus:
My daddy, is a priest you know
And I am, not a beast you now

I just, want to love (x2)

Take off your clothes,
And stand naked as nature intended
And I'll take off mine,
Just to show you that I'm in good faith

Chorus
I just, want to look (x2)

Well now you can see,
It isn't as bad as all that
So lie on the bed,
And I'll talk of my unhappy childhood

My daddy, is the pope you know
And I just, want to grope you know
I just want to feel (x2)

It will not hurt
I promise you that, cross my heart
The first time is always the best
You can ask anybody - ask your mother!

Chorus
I just, want to feel (x2)

Well how can you say that
I brought you here just for one purpose
There are thousands of girls
I could get, if I just wanted that - yes there are

Chorus
I just, want to love (x2)

Well how does it feel
Now that you are no longer a maiden
What do you mean? You want more?
And you want it right now? - oh my god

Chorus
I just, want to sleep (x2)

"What? Again? It's been three times! Christ allmighty! What do you think I am, an engine? Oh no, but here we go again... Viva Espana.

*** The Six Wives Of Dread ***

The first wife was an eskimo
We roud at the nearest trifle
One day while fishing on the ice
She kicked me in the ice-hole
Brr it's cold (x10)

My second was a french bird
Who came from near the Ryne
A nifty little number
I think it was, 69!
Swash-meer (x10)

My third a british stable girl
Oh how this one did hum
And when I told her of it
She said "Your nose is too near your bum"
Tity-Bum (x10)

The fourth a little indian girl
Who turned on at the slightest touch
She liked the whole Kama Sutra
But the lot, twice a night, too much
Upside down, round and round (x5)

The fifth a little cantish girl
Who came from the isle of grain
She only liked it now and again
And again, and again, and again!
Oh my god (x10)

I'm now onto my sixth wife
And I started my life anew
I'm OK but I think that
She's bitten off more than she can chew
Bit it off (x10)

[Judge Dread]: "Oh I wonder if Henry had the same trouble as this. He had a half dozen wives. Mind you could send them to town and have their heads cut off. Much better that having it bitten off! I don't know, every time I come out, every bloody time, I always end up getting married!"

*** The Winkle Man ***

"I'll tell you a story about a geezer called the Winkle Man, a right dirty sod!

The Winkle Man comes down the street
And serves all the ladys
What do you know, nine months on,
They've all got cramps and babys

"The funny thing about, he was right little shrimp!"

He used to sell them cellary
And according to the dirty talk
He asked them what they liked best:
The knob end, or the stalk!

"No wonder why a woman used to come in here with a smile on her face, I'll smash his face in!"

He'd go down to his local pub
For a pint and a packet of Brisk's
The barmaid's got a 48
And he always grabs her tits, like coconuts!

A girl he had was a noisy bird
She used to scream and moan
She shouted 'help!' He said 'you silly cow,
I can manage on me own'

"What, do you want to bring the neighbors in then? Oh what do you want, a gang bang then?"

She said 'I was a virgin,
Now I've been dumped twice in a day'
He said 'Twice?, But it's only once'
She said 'right, you gonna dash away?'

"Allright, be gentle with me, it's only my second time . . . today"

When he was young and in his prime
He'd have a woman any old time
Now he's old and getting gray
He seems to, like the, other way!

"Well I suppose there's no harm in him being a shirt-lifter, it just means there's more birds for all the fellows in the pub!"

[Winkle Man]: "Winkle, Winkle!"
[Judge Dread]: "Oh christ, here he comes again! Gay boys in bondage. Do you want a drink?"
[W. M.]: "Yes please sailor"
[J. D.]: "Who are you calling sailor? I'll smash you in the gut!"
[W. M.]: "Up your's, butch!"
[J. D.]: "I'll give you up your's! You, bum burgler! Take that!
[smacking sounds]

*** Up With The Cock ***

I know a girl who works on a farm
If you listen to me I'll tell you a yarn
Always asleep by ten o'clock
At six on the dot she's up with the cock

Up with the cock (x2)
At six o'clock she's up with the cock

To milk a heard of Jersys
At seven's her first bit
She warms her hands to please the cows
When she gives a pull on the tit

Pull on the tit (x2)
Up with the cock (x2)
At six o'clock she's up with the cock

Twice a week a smelly job
Is when she cleans the yard
Scraping up the cow dung,
Yes life on the farm's so hard

It's so hard (x2)
Pull on the tit (x2)
Up with the cock (x2)
At six o'clock she's up with the cock

She was in the field one sunny day
Plowing all alone
She cought her foot in the driving train
It made her scream and moan

Scream and moan (x2)
It's so hard (x2)
Pull on the tit (x2)
Up with the cock (x2)
At six o'clock she's up with the cock

When it is time to harvest comes
Sunshine is just the trick
But when the weather's nasty
It has her coming quick

Coming quick (x2)
Scream and moan (x2)
It's so hard (x2)
Pull on the tit (x2)
Up with the cock (x2)
At six o'clock she's up with the cock

*** What Kung Fu That ***

Walking home the other night

I cought a smell that wasn't nice

chorus:

What kung fu that? (x3)

I knew what it was but where was it?

Oh my god I've stepped in it!

(chorus)

I scraped it off outside my door

I turned around and I stepped in more

(chorus)

A hopping madness is the third

Time I've stepped into a .

monolog:

I don't know, people let their dog crap all over the place. Here, is that a dog I hear barking? It is.

Come here boy! Come here, come here you little bleeder! You're the one who's been crapping all over the floor! I'm gonna' get my boot right up your arse!

*** Will I What? ***

Say there darling,
How about a date
Let's go 'round the topless
I know one that ain't too far
And say there darling
Won't you come along
You do just what I tell ya
And ya won't go wrong

Oh will you let me bite you earhole?
"Will I what?"
Would you let me feel your bristles?
"Will I what?"
I will tell you what me game is
If you tell me what your name is, will you?
"I will not"

Please don't think I'm
Trying to get fresh
Don't get so excited
You should be delighted
Now don't let's stand here
Wasting time with words
Your a dancer better
Than the other birds

Oh would you let me take your dress off?
"Will I what?"
Would you let me kiss you belly?
"Will I what?"
I will tell you what me game is
If you tell me what your name is, will you?
"I will not"

Just how much can a poor boy do
When he wants to shag a bird like you!

So would you let me take your drawrs off?
"Well, I might"
Would you let me stroke your pussy?
"Well, I'll think about it"
Now you know just what me game is
Will you tell me what your name is, will you?
"Oh allright, my name's Angie"
[Judge Dread]: "Really, that was my mothers name"
[Angie]: "Ya, I'll bet it was"
[J. D.]: "Come on, down this ally"
[A.] "What about that wall? I'll never get over that!"
[J. D.]: "Stop worrying, I'll give you a bone up!"
[A.]: "Ya, you bleedin' won't"
[J. D.]: "Here, seen one of these before?"
[A.]: "Yea, last time I had a cocktail sausage!"
[J. D.]: "Bloody jeep, you wouldn't like it if the end of your nose was a wart!"
[A.]: "Here, you trying to get into my knickers?"
[J. D.]: "No, I don't think they'd fit me!"
[A.]: "Na, I suppose you wear old mens pants with a fart flap in the back!"
[J. D.]: "Stop messin' about, it's cold and my knees are trembling!"
[A.]: "Really? I thought that was your false teeth rattling!"
[J. D.]: "Fess up, I wouldn't touch you with a broom stick!"
[A.]: "Anything would be better than that little sausage!"
[J. D.]: "Mind your bill, and make sure the dog catcher don't see you!"
[A.]: "Ah shut up you bag fat pig, or I'll tell me brothers!"
[J. D.]: "Tell all you like, I don't care!"
[A.]: "And me old man!"
[J. D.]: "Bollocks!"
[A.]: "And me husband!"
[J. D.]: "Double bollocks!"